Friday, November 09, 2007

Rise of the Machines?

I'm not making this up, the UK in the process of upgrading their military satellites with £3.6bn project called "Skynet."

I for one, am not looking forward to being shot by some self aware robot. Thanks a lot UK. You were already in the doghouse for warm beer, Cockney accents, and the extra "i" you ruin the word aluminum with, but bringing about the extermination of the human race at the hands of hordes of evil robots with glowing red eyes is just plain mean.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Disclaimer: I actually wrote this on the flight home from LA, but haven’t gotten around to posting it until now because I’m a worthless sack of flesh.

Not only have I not updated my blog in ages but it has been forever since I did an installment of “by the numbers.” Both errors that I intend to correct now.

National Track Championships by the Numbers.

Number of Marymoor representatives: 9
Number of medals won: One (bronze)
Seconds away from silver: <1
Percentage of pros on the gold and silver squads: 100
Percentage of pros on our team pursuit squad: 25
Percentage of pros that got dropped in our team pursuit: 100
Number of hours spent in horrendous pain from food poisoning: ~12
Months until I will want to eat sushi again: undefined
Number of times I crashed in the Madison: 1
Number of laps completed before crashing: 0.25
Ratio of my speed:traction speed through banking while crashing: <1
% of last year’s Madison championship team that I took out: 50
Level of chagrin on scale of 1-10: 13

Enough by the numbers. How about a little game I like to call highlight lowlight

Highlight: Getting to race on the only indoor track in the states. It’s smooth, it’s wood, it’s beautiful, it’s an amazing track.
Lowlight: It’s in LA. I officially hate LA. Within our first 24 hours in LA we noticed the following. Numerous (lost count) ads for “breast augs” and other plastic surgery on the radio, the ability to drive for two hours in search of food and find nothing but 24 hour Donuts, $0.99 stores, nasty tacos, and fast food hamburgers. Finally we found an Asian restaurant of some indeterminate variety and when as we were going in the following conversation took place.

Guy standing outside putting on makeup (GSOPOM):
You’re here for….

Me: …Food?

(GSOPOM): …The movie

Me: No…just food

(GSOPOM): We’re shooting a movie, would you like to be in the movie?

Me: We don’t want to be in a movie we want food (it’s9:30 at this point and Wes and I are very hungry)

(GSOPOM): You don’t want to be in a movie (look of total lack of understanding shining through layers of foundation and highlights)

(backs away slowly and ends up having a cheeseburger at In N Out.

Ok, no more highlight lowlight, how about highlight, high-ER light
Highlight: Track racing is over and Wes, Jen, Kenny, and Heidi and I are all out getting drunk on cheap beer, foosball, Pacman, and flip cup with a bunch of college kids.
High-ER light: Drunk Kenny drunk dialing Friedman. It went a little something like this

Drunk Kenny (DK):
MIKE! How you doin?

Man I Krashed Earlier (MIKE): mmm….mm.m….mmm (I can’t actually hear what he says)

DK: You’re in bed?!? Are you touching yourself? Stop touching yourself, get out here and drink

MIKE: … long pause …

DK: …Mike…you there?

MIKE: mmmm….mmmmm….mmmmm…..

Yeah, my madison partner says he’s sorry that he crashed you out.

That's it for now, maybe I'll update this again before 6 months go by.